One of the things we thought we might get that matched were dresses. We found that we could not get exact dresses in our respective sizes, but we could coordinate the colors. Wild Thing tried on her bohemian dress and looked beautiful.

I tried on my bohemian dress with its spaghetti straps and criss-cross v-neck. I asked Wild Thing what she thought. She smiled up at me sweetly and told me I looked beautiful, but that I may want to sew the low neckline. "Like this," she said and pulled the two pieces together so they were more appropriate.

Let me just say that this dress was not inappropriate for an adult. For a high schooler? Probably, but I know I’ll be seeing them wearing this dress. For a college co-ed? Maybe, but probably not. In fact I know some co-eds that would look adorable in this dress (Katie W., if you’re reading this, get thee to Old Navy). The most inappropriate part about me trying it on was that I’ve birthed two babies and let’s just say things aren’t as, um, perky as they used to be. However, it’s also not the kind of dress you will ever see my wearing. I’m just not comfortable having that much of my me showing. Wild Thing has picked up on that.

So moms? Keep fighting the good fight. Our children are watching what we do.

Oh, and yes, we did find something to fit the mommy-let’s-dress-alike bill: camo pants, brown t-shirts, and pink crocs. It’s much more in line with my everyday wear.

Your daily dose of Guitar Hero wisdom: Remember: NO STAIRWAY.

I truly believe Ms. Spears is crying out for help. She can’t get much louder without harming herself. Her people better start paying attention and get the tough love going.

The question I want to discuss is how did she get here? I hadn’t given it much thought until I was reading that oh-so-cerebral magazine Entertainment Weekly (my mom got it for me and it’s not as tabloid as you think and the reviews are good and I’m done defending myself). This week’s edition has an entire article on Britney. The thing that struck me most from the article was that she is only 25. I knew she was young, but when you consider her timeline of fame, she’s incredibly young for what she’s seen. Or is she?

• 1993: 11 years old. The Mickey Mouse Club.

• 
  1998: 16 years old. Her album cover is a wholesome young girl in a pose reminiscent of Debbie Gibson. Nothing too bad. Her video from that album (Baby One More Time) has her dressed as a slutty Catholic school girl. Did I mention she’s 16 years old?

• 2000: 18 years old. Starting to show even more skin on the album covers and in concert.

• 2001: 19 years old. She’s dancing with a large snake to her song I’m a Slave to You. Nothing suggestive there. Unless you consider the connotations of snakes and the whole Adam/Eve thing suggestive. Oh, and her teeny tiny green bikini. But everybody does it, right?

• 2002: 20 years old. She stars in her widely-panned movie Crossroads. She’s on a road trip to lose her virginity. Her audience is widely comprised of tweens. The truth is, though, I think it was panned because she couldn’t act, not because of the message.

• 2003: 21 years old. She’s legal and in leather. Dominatrix much?

• 2004: 22 years old. She’s married to her friend while in Vegas, then annuls the union. The trucker hat and ripped jeans are a nice touch. Nine months later she’s married to Kevin Federline. This is where, if you’re part of her family and haven’t been paying attention, you should start. It’s already out of hand, but this is the beginning of the end. This will not end well. Everyone in America can see it except her family and handlers. Of course, if they were paying attention or giving her any sort of emotional support she probably wouldn’t be flaunting herself so much or looking for love with a boy that is justthisside of trailerpark trash.

• 2005: 23 years old. She has her own reality TV series on MTV (no one is interested) and has her first child. From what I could tell, most people just pitied her at this point and she has lost most of her credibility

• 2006: 24 years old. She has her second child, she’s in headlines everywhere because she’s made some poor mothering choices in front of the cameras. She files for divorce from K Fed X or whatever he’s calling himself this week. I call him trash. Hope springs eternal that she’s finally getting it together. Then she BFFs Paris Hilton and those hopes are dashed. Still no one in her life to fill that emotional void.

• 2007: 25 years old. She refuses to stay in rehab more than a few hours, shaves her head, and has two more tattoos added to her collection. Note to Mother Spears: Ground your daughter. It’s time to help her even if it means you’re not popular and you lose the money.

My point, and I do have one, is that Britney Spears has been paraded around as a sex toy since she was 16. She never had to earn her rewards or wait until it was appropriate. (I can hear you now: When is it appropriate to strut around in public like a slutty school girl out of a Playboy fantasy? My answer: probably never.)

She skipped over her teen years in favor of becoming a sex symbol and her parents let her. I don’t care how much money you offer me, Wild Thing will not be paraded around immodestly and suggestively by me when she is 16. There is no one who can tell me a 16 year old in our society is ready for the responsibility that comes with that territory.

At 16 your hormones are crazy. Britney had a great body and she knew it. Her mom and her handlers knew it. They capitalized on it. Once the cat was out of the bag there was no way to put it back. They had to keep going and find new ways to flaunt it. Sexy begat sexier. Where was there to go? At 16 Britney was allowed to use up everything that should have been hers alone for many more years.

In roughly ten years this girl has lived her entire life. No wonder she is where she is. There’s nothing left to look forward to. How would you live your life if you had already done everything and had nothing left? I think I’d shave my head and get some more tattoos. And I’d wonder why my parents didn’t love me enough to tell me to stop.

I leave you with this appropriate gem from Guitar Hero 2:

Dropping your pants onstage does not deploy star power.

What? You don’t know what that is? Well, for the class challenged, it’s THE book for British high society. Yeah, I had no idea either. Meet at my trailer at 10 for happy hour (that’s AM, people).

Anyway, I found this story on Yahoo! today: Etiquette guide offers sleaze tips for posh girls

What we have here is a book that has been published since 1769 as a guide on manners and how to be civilized in the company of blue-bloods. Apparently the notions in this book are not hip enough for the times we live in and the editors have opted to bring it into the 21st century. How? Well, I’ll tell you. Here’s an excerpt from the article:

(A)ccording to its editor, Jo Aitchison, the new book
"Etiquette for Girls" is a sign that the traditional arbiters
of civility are catching up with the times.

"It’s a nod to the modern day," she told Reuters. "We’re
pulling Debrett’s out of Victorian times and trying to make it
relevant to today." The book’s advice ranges from how to
conduct a sleaze-free office fling or a disease-free one night
stand, to how to smoke at social occasions and what to do when
you meet a celebrity.

"Avoid dark-alley gropery and unladylike fumbling in the
back of a cab," the guide says on the subject of one night
stands. "Discuss the necessaries to avoid planting any love
children or disease, and you’re away."

On smoking it decrees: "Always use a proper ashtray –
never a wine bottle, flower pot or used plate — and avoid
allowing smoke to billow out of the nostrils. It is also
inelegant to leave the cigarette unsupported in the mouth…"

But Aitchison insists the book is not all about sex, lies
and partying. The core values of Debrett’s remain — elegance,
composure and dignity are all important, whether you are dining
with the Queen or cheating on your husband.

"We are trying to give girls confidence to behave in the
correct way," she told Reuters. "It’s a bit like a survival
guide for modern life, so we have had to include certain
subject matters that are new for Debrett’s."

What?!? I’m all about empowering our youth. Confidence is the way to go! The confidence to have an elegant affair? Not so much. I mean, really. Is it even possible to have a "sleeze-free office affair"? The short answer is NO for those who have to ask (and apparently blue-bloods have to ask).

Is this really our modern society? All debauchery and immediate gratification? I see it on TV and in the movies. I read it online. I hear it on the radio. I don’t see it my life, though. Neither do my children. I think we’re letting the media and a handful of promiscuous celebrities dictate what "our society" is. I’m not ready to hand over that responsibility. Are you?

Although both of my children own t-shirts, they are my son’s primary source of bodily cover. I hate shopping for t-shirts. The t-shirts I see these days are covered with inane and disrespectful pictures and writing. (Jules’ post about some t-shirts she saw started this whole discussion.)

"For Sale: One Sister. Cheap."
"I’m Not Listening."
"Who Cares?"
"Too bad you’re not me."

If you’re 21 and you want to wear these, I can’t stop you. Fine. Whatever. When I see anyone under 21 wearing these t-shirts I just cringe. The implied disrespect is there regardless of how well-behaved the child. The bad attitude is there regardless of the perfect angel he or she really is. I just don’t see the point. There are other choices. I’m fine with skater dudes on t-shirts. I’m fine with camo. I’m great with stripes. Hawaiian? Oh yeah. Animals? Bring ‘em on. Quit with the attitude already. You don’t think I’m going to get that soon enough? Thanks, but no thanks.

By the way, on a related but different note, Shannon is discussing the Moms for Modesty Mission Statement over at her site. Lively, civil discussion. I haven’t weighed in yet because I’m still trying to get my thoughts together.

What do you think of this: Stupid is as stupid does.

That’s all I have to say ’bout that.

Updated to add: I have to say I have laughed at some of the t-shirts I’ve seen on the racks. I admit it freely. I do have a sense of humor, after all. However, that does not mean they are appropriate for my child to wear. I happen to love the pink bunny and his irreverence. He says what I’m feeling many times (as evidenced in a previous post). Under no circumstances would I ever allow my children to wear something with the pink bunny. That goes for the other asinine t-shirts as well. Just because it makes me laugh doesn’t mean I’m going to buy it and let my child wear it. And a lot of them don’t even make me laugh.

“The way we dress . . . is a sign of who we are and how we
wish to act in the world. It is vital that we get this language right.” – Carol
Moynihan

When one reads about the
issue of modesty in dress it is almost always related directly to religion.
When I Googled “modesty in girls” about 65% of the articles I found were
religion-based. This bothered me because I am not religious and I have a real
problem with what passes for modesty in our society right now. In Michelle
Malkin’s wonderful Clare
Booth Luce Institute speech she discusses at one point a network that encourages Catholic girls to “stand
up for their faith and their values in an increasingly secular and hostile
world.” Although I agree with just about everything Ms. Malkin has to say in
her speech, I want to point out that not all of us secular moms are hostile or
condone the sexuality that is passing for morality in our society today. In
fact, I know many secular moms who find themselves in the same boat as the moms
citing scripture and we’re all fighting for the same thing: modesty. This isn’t
only a religious issue. For me it is a family issue, a societal issue. I feel
strongly that my daughter be raised modestly and that she and I have choices
that do not include thong underwear, t-shirts with double entendres, and
dresses that look like something adults would wear to a disco.

We are living in a society
that no longer delays gratification. We don’t have to. Everything we desire is
a click or a phone call away. We can overnight it. It can be delivered to our
door in 30 minutes or it’s free. As adults we are so used to getting what we
want when we want it that we forget it wasn’t always that way. We pass this
sense of entitlement on to our children.

Wild Thing and I were
playing dress up one day. We even did each other’s hair and make-up. Wild Thing
then wanted to take a trip to the mall to show off our finery. I said no. She
demanded to know why. So we sat down and as I cleaned off her make up and took
down her hair I explained that we were only pretending. She was still a little
girl and little girls have things to look forward to. If she were to have
everything given to her at once (like going out of the house with make-up on)
she would not have anything to look forward to and she would not appreciate the
day she could finally wear make-up out of the house. We have had to have the
discussion about several things and she has taken it well. She understands that
with growth and maturity come responsibility and privilege. She understands,
too, that those things are earned.

Last May, when Wild Thing
turned six, I did a post
on a particular toy and why we could not keep it. I have complained about
inappropriate toys and clothing to my friends, but I have not done anything about it. I simply do not
buy them. Then last week my very good friend Jules began a discourse on modesty
in children’s clothing. I have thought and thought about it for a week. I began
looking online to see what I could find and what other people thought. This
post is a compilation of what I found.

Back in 2004 11-year-old Ella
Gunderson wrote a letter to Nordstrom’s telling them she didn’t much like their
limited choice of clothing options and that she felt she had to go around half
naked if she shopped there. She caught the attention of two Nordstrom
executives and the media. Nordstrom’s promised to try to provide more variety.
In a FoxNews.com article More Girls Push
Retailers to Sell Modest Clothing fashion experts said “a more modest
look is in.” A Seventeen magazine
fashion editor is quoted as saying, “If modesty is what she’s looking for, it’s
going to come full force in the fall. We like to call this new girl Miss
Modesty. It’s such a different feeling but still very pretty and feminine and
sexy. It’s just a little more covered up. It’s kind of like a sexy take on a
librarian.”

 I want to point out a few
things here:

• This is the fashion editor for Seventeen. Not Elle. Not Cosmo. Seventeen. How old were you when you read that magazine? I was about 13. Think about the fact that they are pushing sexy librarian clothing to tweens and early teens and saying that it’s modest (“We like to call this new girl Miss Modesty.”).
• Either they are missing the point (we do not want sex sold to our children) or they think we are idiots and we will be so enamored with the ideas of Miss Modesty and librarian we won’t notice the word sexy thrown in there.
• Do any of you remember the Hot for Teacher video from Van Halen in the 80s? Correct me if I’m wrong, but isn’t the sexy librarian a fantasy for most tween/teen/men? This is not what I want being marketed to my daughter.
• This article is from 2004. It’s now almost the end of 2006. I don’t remember any of this coming to fruition so it’s all kind of moot, isn’t it? It appears to me that we are simply getting a lot of lip service and very little action.

 In her speech Ms. Malkin
brought up something else I was completely unaware of: In 2004, Abercrombie
& Fitch marketed thong underwear to size 6x and above (honestly I have no
idea if they are still marketing this). This underwear (can you even call it
underwear?) had the words Eye Candy
or Wink Wink written on the front.
Hampton Carney, spokesman for A&F, called the thongs, “cute and fun and
sweet.” Malkin gives the definition of “pedophilia
chic: A grown man getting paid to say that he thinks dressing pre-teens
in rearless underwear is “cute and fun and sweet.’”

Disturbing? To say the very
least. In what alternate reality is this acceptable? Every parent that shrugs
their shoulders and just goes with the flow because their child whines and says
all the other kids are doing it should be shot. Your job as the parent is to
set limits and enforce those boundaries. Show some strength and stamina and
raise these kids! Pick your battles, yes, but make sure you are picking the
right ones. At some point our children may decide to rebel. It is the nature of
the teen to look for shock value and re-test those boundaries. As parents that
time will undoubtedly be stressful. I hope I will have done a good enough job
instilling a sense of modesty and self esteem in my children that no matter
where they go or how far they push they will have in themselves a sense of when
to stop.

I’m pretty laid back. I make
mistakes. I say live and let live. Some things, though? Some things I cannot
let go. Some things I will fight for that may seem to make no sense to others.
Some things I will go to the mattresses for on principle alone. I will fight
and argue and stew even when there is no point in going on simply because of
the principle. Is this one of those issues? Does this issue have no hope? I
think it does have hope. I know it has principle. Let’s pull together and make
a difference. A real difference. Not a difference that would have happened
anyway because that’s-the-way-the-trend-was-going,
but an honest to goodness we-heard-you-and-we-get-it
difference. A we-respect-you-and-your-child
difference. We can do this. Go
sign Jules’ petition. Write your own post and link it up. Grab the button
and put it on your site. Let your voice be heard.

Moms for Modesty Mission Statement

• As a Mom for Modesty I believe in common-sense modesty for girls and young women. 
• I believe in refraining from sexualizing our girls and young women. 
• I believe that it is unwise and unfair to taunt boys and young men by permitting my daughter(s) to dress in an immodest manner.
• I believe that true beauty comes from within and I strive to teach my daughter(s) this truth.
• I will loyally shop at retailers that provide girls’ and young womens clothing that is modest, affordable and stylish.

If you agree with these simple guidelines I hope you will head over to Jules’ site and "sign" your name in her comments list. You don’t have to be a mom. You don’t have to be the mother of a girl. You just have to recognize that we need to speak up for our girls and have choices. As a mother a six-year-old girl I can tell you that skirts are too short, double entendres are not funny, and stylish does not have to mean sexy at this age.

If you feel strongly about this issue, I encourage you to write your own post. However, please make sure to link it to Jules’ site. The key here is that all our information can be linked to a central place and easily found. Please feel free to grab the banner (again, just link it back to Jules’ site. Here’s the HTML code for the link and the button

<a href="http://www.everydaymommy.net/everyday-mommy/2006/9/5/moms-for-modesty/"><img src="

http://i54.photobucket.com/albums/g104/EverydayMommy/Modesty-Button2.gif"></a>

You just need to cut and paste that into your side bar or post and you’ll be good to go.)

I have been working on a longer post about my thoughts on this issue. I will have it up tomorrow. For some reason I can write fluff in about 10 minutes but if I want to sound remotely intelligent it takes days to compose a thought.