I’m going to let you in on something that’s been plaguing me for about five months now: I’m kind of burned out with blogging. It’s taken almost five years, but I’m starting to find it a chore when it used to be fun. I’m not alone in this, Michelle wrote a post pretty much saying what I’ve been feeling about the difficulty of blogging every day. Of course, I haven’t been blogging every day–and that’s been almost as stressful as actually doing it. I flog myself daily for not having the will to write.
In addition to the blog thing, I’ve told you before that I struggle with depression. I don’t want your pity, so please, don’t give it to me. It runs in my family and it’s who I am. I deal with it. Some days are better than others. The depression, though, has had an impact on whether I blog or not. Lately I’ve found that I just don’t want to engage and I know myself well enough to see that the lack of engagement on my part is a sign the depression is wiggling in again.
Sometimes I don’t notice the depression because I’m too busy trying to fight it off. (If you haven’t done it, that last sentence will sound weird in your head.) I realized the extent of my fighting this weekend. I found Christopher Walken’s Twitter account and I laughed for an entire hour while I read his Tweets.
That laugh was the thing that told me I’d been fighting. I realized I had not laughed so hard in over a week. I love to laugh, it’s what usually gets me through the day. When I thought about the past week I saw the frustration and impatience of it, not the laughter.
Sunday night, though, my body relaxed, I shared the jokes with my husband and we laughed together. As we drifted off to sleep, I giggled about the pimp suit and the squirrels (seriously, just go read the tweets). I need to laugh.
I’ve given myself permission to not think about Blogging Basics 101 for at least a month. If you’re still reading Don’t Try This at Home, you know I’ve been lax in the posting. Expect that to continue. I’m also giving myself permission to not share every aspect of my life or even engage. I know what I just wrote up there and how it contradicts that last sentence. If I’m not engaging here, though, I’m engaging in real life–and that’s important for me right now.
In the mean time, treat yourself to a laugh. These are just a few of the gems @cwalken is coming up with:
There’s a kid on a Pogo stick in front of my house. It’s nearly midnight so let’s assume he’s been drinking. This should end well for him.
or
I made a little pimp outfit and put it in the yard. The bluejay hasn’t come back since. Some weird shit going on with the squirrels though.
Oh my word, that man is funny. Who knew?
{ 10 comments… read them below or add one }
I’m the only one in at the office today. I just read your post and went on over to CW’s Twitter posts. Oh my God! I am sitting here laughing my butt off! I hope nobody comes in to find me laughing alone! Love to you Chili!
Those are awesome CW Tweets! I’m reading them imagining his voice. Thanks for the laugh!
(and enjoy your break)
I hear you, Melanie, and I definitely get it. As someone who has also battled depression, I know well those connections between depression, blogging, engaging, etc. Sounds like you’re doing exactly the right thing — giving yourself permission to not worry about the blog thing, and to get back to laughing.
No self-flogging, okay? I mean it.
I have to remind myself the same thing that I tell my kids. When they don’t win a game, I remind them that “playing the game” is the fun part… and winning or losing is just the end. If you’re not having fun playing the game, then don’t play. I look at blogging the same way. If I’m not having fun with it, then I don’t do it. I have to skip sometimes and it’s “just because”. I’m glad you’ve given yourself permission to not stress over it.
Hang in there! Now, off to find the funny man tweets, I could use some giggles myself!
(First Scribs, now you?!) You know I don’t want you to quit but doing something that is more an albatross than invigorating will eat away at a person for a long time. There aren’t any rules in blogging, so I think this is just something you’ll figure out somehow eventually. And you will. Because you’ve found your calling, it just may be that you need to redefine it. BlogHer ’09 will be good for renewing your love of it, and I’m sure you’re already feeling better about it. I hope. Because I believe you’re doing the blog world a lot of good and it would be sad to see you go. And I would be, too.
Thank you for the C.W. Tweet link, that man is hilarious!
Depression runs in my fam as well, I feel you girl.
Just like depression, the “do I want to stop blogging?” feelings are cyclical. There are times when I’m good to go, the world is sunny and I think that this blogging thing will go on forever. Then there are dry comment times, times when I realize how many readers I’ve lost due to my lack of reading/relationship building/carnival playing and I think I could easily use that time to do something else. I don’t quit because I think I would miss the outlet/my friends too much, but I too gave myself permission not to blog if I don’t feel up to it. That is a very good thing.
No pity here. Just some good old understanding and wishing that we could share a bottle of wine and make some laughs of our own. (Love you, Mel.)
Aw my little chilihead, your words remain long after a day.
Since misery loves company, I’m pretty dang happy right now. Personally, I love to blog but don’t like the feeling of having to comment, having to mingle, having to tweet (and coherently at that!), having to do this and that. I thought that the joy of the internet was that it could be shut down. Mine won’t.
Rats, that guy’s Twitter page is gone. I was looking forward to reading about pimped out squirrels
I have had the same battle with depression all of my life. Same thing – runs in the family, got picked on growing up, etc, etc. I think blogging is great but sometimes it doesn’t help us because we are basically isolated at home behind a computer screen. It’s safer in a way but in other ways we don’t get that human contact that we could use when we need it. Then other times it’s good because would people understand us anyhow?
Blogging should only be done if you A: want to make money or make a living which is why I do it or B: if you want to just share and need to get things off your chest or teach or something and hope someone will read it. But of course there is always C: make money AND share something. It’s all work in my opinion. I started blogging about 6 months ago and it’s turned into a job for me and sometimes I have a hard time wanting to write everyday. I think the challenge is that once you have readers you worry about what they think.
Anyway, long story short. I think you should do whatever you want! If you are burned out then take a break and if you are meant to come back to it then it will still be here. Don’t write because you are worried what your readers will think. It’s your life and you have to do what is best for you. When you start to dread doing something it’s probably gotten out of balance anyhow. Then it is definitely time to step back and look at the big picture.
Wendy
I am sorry you deal with depression. I have mild depression once in awhile and it sucks.
I wasn’t going to post a comment until I read the last persons comment about the A,B and C reasons for blogging. I don’t blog for any of those reasons. I blog for my family, for my posterity, for my children to remember the great things about their life and growing up years. I make my blogs into a book each year and it is literally our scrapbook and family journal. Along the way others have found it interesting but I don’t do it for them.
So I guess I am thinking I do not know what your purpose in blogging has been but if it has been mainly for the reasons “Sweeties” gives then you are doing it mostly for others and that totally would suck! When you do something that is supposed to be fun and for your family and make it into a job it quickly becomes NOT FUN and a drag.
Good luck to you and hope you have a better week!
Keep your priorities in order and you will be much happier