Veronica is one of my favorite bloggers. You can catch her daily at ToddledDredge. She’s smart and she’s sassy: two of my favorite things. If you’re not reading her, I demand to know why. Other than the fact that she has an unnatural grudge against the Oxford comma, I can’t imagine why anyone would not make Veronica a daily part their lives.
Hello, faithful readers of Chilihead. I am Veronica and I usually blog at Toddled Dredge, where my blog is read faithfully by a handful of people that includes my brother, who is just finishing up his tour of duty in Afghanistan.
When Chilihead asked me to guest post, I was thrilled, and decided that I would branch out into a topic unusual for my own blog: sex. My brother, after all, keeps in contact with me primarily through my blog, and asking a man to risk his life for his country is one thing; asking him to read when his sister writes about sex is entirely different.
Some things really are beyond endurance.
When I was pregnant with my first baby, I read a few books about pregnancy.You probably did too. And maybe, like me, you felt a creeping sense of horror if the book you read mentioned that childbirth stretches out your, ahem, lady parts. Permanently. Apparently this is a terrible secret that only mothers confess to other mothers, with much insecurity and grumbling. I recall Jenny McCarthy’s book about pregnancy in which her then-husband claimed that sex with her after the birth of their child would be like "throwing a hot dog down a hallway."
Classy fella. Amazing that their marriage didn’t last.
Anyway, I was pretty nervous about the whole post-childbirth experience. What if I was no longer attractive, what if I was boring, what if, what if… One moment’s thought might have reassured me on this issue. If having a baby really ruined sex for all parties concerned, then every child would be an only child, wouldn’t it?
If you are wondering how it turned out for me, then just count my babies (I’m pregnant with number four). The hype turned out to be just hype. Sex actually got better after we had a baby or two. Not the first time, mind you – sex the first time after a baby is born is like being a virgin again, and I do not mean that in a good way. But the effects of childbirth, once we got past the exhaustion, also meant an ease and freedom to intimacy that we did not have before.
I don’t mean to sell it all as perfect. If your husband is a comparison shopper of vaginas, then you will have problems. But if your husband is that sort, then you already have the problem, baby or not. But if you are waiting on that first or second baby and you are worrying that CHILBIRTH WILL RUIN YOU, then stop worrying. It doesn’t.
If my experience is anything to go by, it just gets better.
{ 14 comments… read them below or add one }
As I type this, I’m about to BURST with kidlet #5. In September, my beloved and I will celebrate 18 years of connubial bliss. I can wholeheartedly concur with your conclusion (today’s comment is brought to you by the letter ‘C’). As we’ve grown up, and grown together, and become experts at meeting each others needs (in and out of the bedroom…or living room…or pantry…ahem), all of the aspects of our marriage have become more deeply satisfying than my 23-year-old, flat-stomached, air-headded self could have imagined.
Thank you for putting it so well, and I hope that others will be encouraged by your candor.
I completely agree with you. All that worrying for nothin’!
Hope my hubby doesn’t read this. I told me the doctor hasn’t released me yet to have sex after the birth of our son (2 years old)… just kidding. I’m about to pop with #2, so we’ve been able to fit at least one good time in there.
Now that I’ve typed that it looks mildly off-color, but what the heck… I’ll just go ahead an hit post!
Oh Veronica, I agree with everything you said, especially first sex after you’ve had your baby. It’s painful that first time, but then it’s all good after that!
And suddenly, my two c-sections don’t seem so bad now. No hips (I didn’t spread while carrying the babies) and a regular sized lady part… things are looking good! (Well except for my newly forming saddlebags. I could do without those.)
Love you here and I love you at your place. I think if Brother can survive life in the military across seas, then he can survive reading about your sex. At least it’s not the same feeling as realizing that your parents did it a time or two and they probably liked it!
I’d like to publicly thank Shalee for poking out my mind’s eye.
I’ve never read your blog, Veronica, but I can promise you this…
I WILL NOW!
This post has me hooked…
P.S. sex is great after baby… much better than pre-baby sex…
Great post! I’m heading over to check out your blog now!
I completely disagree. Baby #2 and no sex for over 7 months. And I wouldn’t want to have it even if we could.
I couldn’t agree more! 13 years ago I couldn’t imagine that sex could get very much better, but it definitely has. The thing I might highlight is the intimacy. There are whole new levels that you can’t imagine pre-childbirth. That is what makes the sex so great.
I agree completely. I do feel that things were at their MOST optimal between Baby #1 and Baby #2, but they’re still better now than they were pre-baby.
If your husband is a comparison shopper of vaginas, then you will have problems.
HAHAHAH! And also, poor ladies with skanky husbands.
I’m avoiding an off-colour comment about guys who compare their man parts to hot dogs. I am classy.
My husband and I had a nearly 20 year history in that department (good grief), and three kids later, stuff is BETTER than ever. I think if people HAVE sexual problems before kids, having kids will make everything way worse. But otherwise? Nah.
right after, all i can think about are sore boobs and fatigue, but during pregnancy it sure is great.
I totally agree, but I must admit that I’m in the mood a lot more often now that the kids are beyond that deadening baby-and-toddler stage. Things just keep getting better, IMO. More power to you!
I had that exact same concern after a friend of my husband’s told us he forced his wife into having a c-section so she wouldn’t “be all loosey goosey” afterwards. That’s right when I began to question whether my husband was enjoying our sex life (after baby #1). I mentioned it to another friend who told me this:
After giving vaginal birth to two twin boys in her early forties, her husband stood next to her as the obgyn was sewing her up and said to her husband “How tight would you like me to sew?” Kind of disgusting, I know, but we ladies who’ve had 1 or multiple deliveries must remember that they sew us up…and sometimes (like the other readers have shared)…the sex is better than it was before!!!!